In Space, No One Can Hear You Clean

Russian space officials, facing an accelerated training schedule, severe budget constraints and soaring cleaning costs, attempted to save both time and money by washing the spacesuits used by cosmonaut Michael Tyurin of Russia and U.S. astronaut Michael Lopez-Alegria while the men were still in them. After being repeatedly dipped in warm, soapy water, Tyurin and Lopez-Alegria were then squeezed by Russian space officials and later hung out on a line in the backyard of the Moscow facility. If they dry out in time, the two men are scheduled to replace members of the current crew of the International Space Station ISS.

Slip Slidin' Away

How's this for a powerful symbol of where we are right now? Troops served up on the back of a truck while the president skeedaddles off to his ranch. Enjoy your August vacation, sir.

What Does History Taste Like?

A Doberman pinscher named Barney who was guarding a $900,000 collection of rare teddy bears at a children's museum in London went on a rampage Tuesday night, chewing up hundreds of dolls including one once owned by a young Elvis Presley. The Elvis bear is owned by English aristocrat Benjamin Slade, who purchased it at an Elvis memorabilia auction in Memphis and had loaned it to the museum. "I've spoken to the bear's owner," said Daniel Medley, general manager of the Wookey Hole Caves near Wells, England, "and he is not very pleased at all."

That must have been a fun call.

Suddenly a Cow and a Wheel of Cheese Don't Look So Bad

I'm trying to get it up for North Dakota's quarter today -- really, I am. After all, how can anything that makes North Dakota Lt. Gov. Jack Dalrymple this happy be bad? But I have to be honest, I don't know if I'm going to get there. It's not that the design is unattractive or doesn't accurately reflect the virtually human-free nature of that cold, barren state well to my north. It's just that, well, I'm kind of over the sun burst thing.

Water Sports

My nominations for the least refreshing photos of the day:

1)

A two-year-old from Auburn, Washington, bending over to kiss Stuart the dachshund at the Green River on Monday. This was actually going to be considered in the "Most Refreshing Photo" category until I checked out the action going on under the kid's diaper.

2)

Hundreds of residents jamming themselves into a pool in Nanjing, in east China's Jiangsu province after temperatures hit 100 degrees Fahrenheit on Sunday. Refer to our 2-year-old, dachshund-smooching friend from above and the definition of the term fecal coliform if there's any question as to why this photo has been included.

3)

Swimmers competing in the annual Bog Snorkelling Championships taking place near Dungannon in County Tyrone in Northern Ireland on Sunday. Competitors are required to swim two lengths of a water-filled trench cut through a peat bog. Bog snorkelling suddenly makes annual cheese-rolling competition held in the western England town of Brockworth, Gloucestershire look positively enlightened.

The Family of Man (and Animals)

I know there's a lot going on in the world right now, much of it sad, scary, ugly and barbaric. Maybe that's why it's more important than ever to take a step back and remember that the Earth can also be a place of wondrous, awe-inspiring, humbling diversity. Think about it. Just in the past 24 hours, we've seen images of a Peruvian police dog jumping through blazing, red-hot fire hoops in Lima, while in Everland, South Korea, Jennie the 2-year-old orangutan licked an ice block filled with bananas to gain some refreshment and relief from that Asian nation's scorching summer.



Meanwhile, halfway around the world, we saw impeccably dressed French actor Jean Reno wave to the crowd following his wedding with stunningly attired American model Zofia Borucka in les Baux de Provence...


While in nearby St. Tropez, Canadian actress Pamela Anderson prepared for her own wedding ceremony with awesomely skanky American musician Kid Rock by shoving her breasts and ass at reporters while aboard a yacht.

Two weddings, two different approaches... but a single, almost fanatical devotion to the sacred and everlasting bond of matrimony. If that doesn't take your breath away just a little, I think you may be dead inside.

That's What You Get For Singing "Let The Eagle Soar"

Ooh, can't wait to see who got voted out this week.

Is It Just Me (#3)

Is it just me or does the Mexico City police department look like it could use a few more motorcycles?

Comes With Its Own Sharpie

Zach Blumenshein, who works in merchandising for the Dallas Cowboys, displays a giant bobblehead version of new Cowboys player Terrell Owens. The doll is for sale at a store at the Cowboys training camp, in Oxnard, California. The ego is sold separately.

Advise and Resent

The A.P. caption accompanying the above photo says it shows three guys from Ohio as they "try to rescue a friend's motorcycle that was almost washed away when the Grand River overflowed its banks overnight." Let's see -- one guy drinks a soda and points, a second guy sits on the bike while a third guy does all the pushing and rescuing. I don't know -- if I'm that third guy, I'm thinking I might want a little more credit from the A.P., like maybe downgrade the other two to assistant status or something.

Mission Accomplished

Pres. Bush went to NAM yesterday, finally fulfilling his military obligations with the Texas Air National Guard.

Too Clever By Half

Vice President Dick Cheney and Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert are said to have agreed with roughly half of what Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki had to say during a speech to a joint meeting of Congress on Wednesday. They had no comment on the other half, owing to the fact that they each had a finger in one ear for the duration of the leader's remarks.

Global Warming: A Boon for Soccer?

Pro-Global Warming Argument: Fewer grass stains on soccer uniforms

Anti-Global Warming Argument: Running increases the likelihood of snapping your foot off at the ankle and falling carries a higher probability of splitting your head open

Holy Crap, It's Hot (#1)

In today's installment of animals eating things frozen in big blocks of ice, we see a 10-year-old African elephant sucking on a block of fruit and veggies at a zoo in Efurt, German...


Then we have a polar bear delighting in his mackerel-flavored ice cube at La Fleche zoo in western France...


And finally, in the non-stuff-frozen-in-blocks-of-ice category, we have a kid riding his bike into the ocean...


Holy crap it's hot.

The Crazy Bunch

More Walt Handelsman animation. Check it out.

No Surprise (Finally)

A couple of weeks back, I pointed out how the New York Times has continually referred to trips by administration officials to Mideast hotspots as "surprise visits", a description that I said has the "whiff of spin or p.r. to it" because it seems to give these trips the air of unexpected but much-appreciated "gifts" being bestowed on those visited. I suggested the paper's editors might want to refer to the trips instead as "unplanned" or "unscheduled" visits, which hits me as much more even-handed approach. So I think it only fair to point out that in a front page story this morning, the Times described Secy. of State Rice's meeting with Lebanon's prime minister Fouad Siniora yesterday as an "unannounced stop in Beirut." Not sure if this is a permanent editorial decision and I'm certainly not pretending my post was the cause for it -- just saying I appreciate the injection of some impartiality to the story on the part of the Times.

Now if someone could just have a chat with the AP...

Red Rover, Red Rover, Send Kuala Lumpur Over

A team comprised of leaders from Malaysia, the Philippines, Myanmar, Singapore and Thailand competed in the Red Rover regional finals today at the opening of the 39th Association of Southeast Asian Nations (ASEAN) Ministerial Meeting in Kuala Lumpur. Nicknamed "The Fightin' 39's", the team is currently undefeated but has a long way to go if they hope to equal the success of the infamous "Fightin' 95's"...


... or 1987's rag-tag bunch of roughnecks known affectionately though for no apparent reason as "The Knuckle Bunch".


Established in 1967, ASEAN's goal is to accelerate economic growth, social progress and cultural development in the region, as well as to strengthen the foundation for a prosperous and peaceful community of Southeast Asian nations through such playground games as Red Rover, Red Light Green Light, Relievio and Tag.

Idaho Shout Outs

Kudos to former Idaho Gov. Dirk Kempthorne for picking a non-potato related image for the state's new quarter before leaving to become U.S. Secretary of the Interior. Some advice for Idaho Gov. Jim Risch, though -- next time you unveil a new Idaho state quarter design, let the kid you're holding actually see it. And for the Peregrine falcon who attended today's festivities at the World Center for Birds of Prey in Boise, Idaho...


... don't start thinking you're some big shot just because you've got your head on a quarter. So do a cow and a wheel of cheese.

Once Again, With Feeling

Sorry to repeat myself but when is the press going to stop referring to these trips by jetsetting Administration dignitaries as "surprise" visits?

From the AP (once again, boldface mine):

Rice visits Beirut in surprise Mideast tour

BEIRUT, Lebanon - Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice sought to buttress Lebanon's fragile democratic government Monday after nearly two weeks of warfare, making this stricken capital a surprise first stop on a high-stakes Mideast diplomatic mission.

Unscheduled? Sure. Unplanned? Of course. Unexpected? Great! But please, anything but "surprise".

Keep a Nickel Between Your Knees, Sir

My god, even the way the guy sits is an embarrassment.

The Twenty Percent Doctrine

Does anyone remember the last time Cheney didn't appear out in public without a khaki/camo/bemedalled backdrop? Above, we see a photo taken this morning as the Veep charmed and delighted members of the 3rd Infantry Division who had just returned from their second deployment to Iraq. Last Monday, he was in Iowa's Camp Dodge speaking to Air and Army National Guard troops...

The day before, the Vice President Dick Cheney delivered an official 'thank you' on behalf of the Bush administration to the Michigan military personnel inside an aircraft hangar at the state's Selfridge Air National Guard Base in Harrison Township...

A few days before that, we see Cheney gallantly waving to the 2,500 assembled sailors and Marines as he walks to a podium aboard the Commander, 2nd Fleet flagship, amphibious assault ship USS Wasp in Norfolk, Virginia on July 7...

Okay, if I'm being fair, I should point out that in between all this, there was a shot of him in the East Room of the White House (had to be there), a shot of the smiling granddad in the hospital (wanted to be there -- besides, next to a puppy, what warms chilly old Cheney up more than a cute as a button newborn?), a picture of the V.P. chillin' with his best NASCAR buds (though, mind you, at a safe distance from any actual public interaction), and of course his dash-for-the-cash photo op as he trolled for bucks at a GOP fundraiser (make sure there's lots of flags).




Guess that's what a 20% approval rating gets you -- lots of canned applause, and mostly from people who are ordered to show up.