Who Are You To Judge?

Pres. Bush today nominated Appeals Court Judge Samuel Alito to replace Justice Sandra Day O'Connor on the Supreme Court. If confirmed, Alito would give the High Court a decidedly conservative bent and would likely have a significant impact on such issues as civil rights, affirmative action and abortion, not to mention make scenes such as the one below a thing of the past.

Just Checking

In an apparent attempt not to make the same mistake twice, Sen. Bill Frist (R – Tenn.) visited the Rotunda of the U.S. Capitol today to see for himself if Rosa Parks, the woman whose bold and courageous refusal to give up a seat on a Montgomery, Ala. bus inspired the modern civil rights movement, was actually dead. Last March, Sen. Frist, who is the Senate majority leader and a licensed medical doctor, declared Terri Schiavo “alive” and “not in a persistent vegetative state” after viewing a videotape of the coma victim, who an autopsy later proved to be brain dead and in a persistent vegetative state. Sen. Frist did not comment to reporters but did appear to agree that Ms. Parks was, in fact, deceased.

We Feel Your Pain

Pres. Bush comments on the indictment of Vice President Dick Cheney's chief of staff Lewis 'Scooter' Libby Jr. on charges of obstruction of justice, making a false statement and perjury in the CIA leak case. During the White House press conference, at least four microphones gave out and flopped to the ground simultaneously, apparently having reached what technicians refer to as their "pure bullshit" capacity.

In Case of Indictment...

... break glass, remove prop soldiers, stand in front of them, continue to talk about War on Terror, repeat as necessary.

The Best Defense

In anticipation of being charged with a crime by CIA leak investigator Patrick Fitzgerald , Vice Presidential Chief of Staff Lewis 'Scooter' Libby walked out of the Eisenhower Executive Office Building this morning with the aid of crutches, signalling that he may intend to play the seldomly-employed "sympathy card" defense in any future court proceedings. According to one inside source, presidential political adviser Karl Rove may also be planning to make a similar appeal for leniency and is reported to have spent the past two weeks working on a painful limp and a "yucky-sounding cough from a cold that just won't go away."

History Repeats?

I realize it's premature and the comparison isn't entirely accurate -- Nixon was elected president and Rove merely controlled one -- but:

Pres. Richard Nixon on his final day in office...

... and Karl Rove on his?


*******UPDATE********UPDATE*********UPDATE**********

Okay, so it was premature.

Safety First

Aiming for a safe pick to avoid the controversy that has arisen over his choice of Harriet Miers for the vacant Supreme Court position, Pres. Bush tapped Chairman of the Council of Economic Advisers Ben Bernanke to be the next Federal Reserve chief after an extensive background check turned up only this slightly embarrassing greeting card sent by Bernanke to the president in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.

Hurricane Wilma Coverage

From the AP:


Caption: "Jean Moore, left, of Fort Myers, Fla., reads a newspaper as David Bright, talks on a cell phone at a Red Cross hurricane shelter set up at the Germain Arena in Estero, Fla., Sunday, Oct. 23, 2005 in preparation for the arrival of Hurricane Wilma."

Message Conveyed: This storm is a huge inconvenience and even though the people pictured above undoubtedly appreciate that they've got a safe place to ride out the hurricane, they've got to be awfully bored and aren't we, in turn, fortunate to be out of harm's way.

From Reuters:


Caption: "Andre Pena (R) rests with his children Andres (L) and Hector inside a hurricane shelter at Florida International University in Miami, Florida October 23, 2005. The Penas family evacuated from Florida Keys to the shelter ahead of the predicted arrival of Hurricane Wilma October 24."

Message Conveyed: Hurricanes suck, especially if you have young children, but people are resilient and really seem to be making the best of a difficult situation.

From the AP:

Caption: "Leonard Hasbrouck, right, who plans to ride out the storm in his mobile home, waves to firefighters warning residents of the Sunburst RV Park in Fort Myers Beach, Fla., to evacuate in anticipation of the arrival of Hurricane Wilma, Sunday, Oct. 23, 2005. Tropical storm-force wind was expected to begin lashing the state late Sunday and meteorologists said the heart of the storm was expected to roar across the state Monday."

Message Conveyed: The world is made up of all sorts of people with all sorts of motivations for doing what they do and they come in all shapes and sizes and are all deserving of our respect, sympathy and support.

From Reuters:


Caption: "Jessica Hesser looks out to sea as her eighteen-month-old daughter Sari plays in the sand on the beach in Naples, Florida October 23, 2005. Some residents were making last minute preparations with Hurricane Wilma less than 24 hours away."

Message Conveyed: Umm... huh. Well, I suppose this picture demonstrates... that is to say, it probably tells us that... Aw, hell. The photographer just got tired of taking pictures of sad, tired, wrinkly people.

Curse Reversed

This year, the collapse at Fenway happened after the season was over. You know, last season really did change everything.

The Great Communicator, Jr.

Increasingly desperate for a "bullhorn moment" to rescue his foundering second term, Pres. Bush today beseeched officials at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library in Simi Valley, Ca., to "tear down this wall". Confused library officials reportedly exchanged glances and smiled politely before reminding the invited guests and dignitaries not to miss the "neat Air Force One exhibit" before they go.

Flabby Road?

Hey, if you don't like it, you try and do better.

Ow, Ow, Stop It, Ow

In Los Angeles today, Pres. Bush sweetly allowed Dr. Raymond Goodman, retired medical doctor and professor, to believe he still had such a strong, youthful grip that he was actually hurting the President when they shook hands. Unfortunately, the President played his well-intentioned prank on the doctor without first alerting the Secret Service, who subsequently gang-tackled Dr. Goodman and beat the 85-year-old senseless before packing him off for interrogation at Gitmo.

Mysteries of the Deep

Quentin would admit later that he was less interested in knowing why there was a dolphin riding the subway with him that morning than why the dolphin had a necktie coming out of his throat.

Celebrating Public Transportation, International Style

From the AP: "South Korean bee farmer Ahn Sang-kyu is covered by bees in Daegu, south of Seoul, Thursday, Oct. 20, 2005. Ahn, a local bee farmer, released over 260,000 bees and attracted them to his body to celebrate the opening of a new subway in his town."

Uh, so what do the South Koreans do when they're really happy?

There's Simply No Good Excuse For This Post

And if I were more mature, I might have let that stop me. But since I'm not and since I didn't... how big?

A Nose For News

At a Rose Garden press conference Thursday, President Bush vowed that despite the "background noise" created by the growing CIA leak scandal, the controversy over his nomination of Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court and the investigation of top Republican leaders, he would not allow himself to be distracted. However, that vow was broken moments later when a reporter from the Nose Ring Times raised his hand and asked for the President's position on nipple piercing.

How Am I Doing?

According to the White House website, the picture above shows Pres. Bush and U.S. Secretary of Education Margaret Spellings meeting in the Oval Office on Wednesday to discuss the Nation's Report Card, which the President termed an "encouraging report." Less than encouraging, however, was the President's Report Card, delivered to the nation's chief executive by a disgruntled, flooded-out resident of the Algiers neighborhood of New Orleans four weeks earlier.

Though the President reportedly issued an immediate and heartfelt promise to do better next time, sources claim that the minute he was inside Air Force One, the chief executive whipped out a black magic marker and attempted to change the word "Sucks" to "Socks" but only succeeded in making matters worse, as "Bush Socks" makes no sense.

Should Have Gone With The Chicken Costume

Can't say this with any certainty but it would appear that John O'Brien, dressed as Massachusetts' first Gov. John Winthrop, must have lost some sort of bet last night. According to the news report, he's pictured above reading a Winthrop sermon to Mass. legislators during a ceremony commemorating the 375th anniversary of the Great and General court of Massachusetts. But I've read that sermon and I'm here to tell you... it ain't that funny.

Went To a Fight and a Hockey Game Broke Out

Oh, that's right. I'd forgotten why I didn't miss hockey. Thanks, guys.

Motor City Meltown **UPDATE**

Stung by a 33% drop in the sale of new vehicles and the apparent end of the public's love affair with the SUV, American auto makers are scrambling to find new markets for their products. Among the projects currently being worked on is the Dog Car, but before the prototype pictured above can be mass-produced, engineers will have to invent a car-shrinking ray and figure out a way to teach dogs to drive. Despite the enormous technical obstacles involved, a spokesperson for the Big Three said the effort was still preferable to designing fuel-efficient cars that consumers may actually want to buy. However, legislation is currently pending in Congress that will qualify the Dog Car as a light-duty truck.

**********UPDATE************UPDATE***********UPDATE********


To demonstrate their concern for the environment and that calls for increased fuel efficiency are not going unheard in this age of $3-a-gallon gas prices, the Big Three automakers announced today that they plan to develop a parrot-driven tricycle and have it ready for sale in the nation's showrooms by September of 2007. Unlike the Dog Car, the Parrocycle will not require the invention of any new technology, nor will it involve any particularly difficult animal training techniques. However, because there are far fewer parrots in the country than dogs, automakers did concede that the vehicle's impact on U.S. gas consumption may be minimal.