Your Christmas Questions Answered

Because I don't celebrate Christmas, I feel I can bring utterly impartial and completely objective perspective to some of the questions you may be asking now that the holiday season is upon us.

Q: Is it possible to arrive at a store too early?

A: Not if you bring blankets and a pee cup.

Q: Are we experiencing a reindeer shortage this winter?

A: It would appear so.

Q: Is it possible to buy too many video game chairs?


A: Not when they're as attractive as these vinyl-covered beauties.

Q: Is Taxicab Santa Bowling legal in my state?


A: Probably, but be safe and check with local officials first.

Q: Does a dead basking shark make a good Christmas present?

A: Tough call. Sure, the little girl being dangled over the dead basking shark appears to be both horrified and terrorized. But the girl playing with the dead basking shark's mouth appears ready for hours of fun.