The Nation's First Line of Defense

As part of his ongoing "Securing America" campaign, President Bush led reporters onto the White House lawn today and demonstrated some of the state-of-the-art technology being considered by Homeland Security officials. In the event that terrorists are spotted approaching a location of vital importance to the United States, the President indicated that security officials would be authorized to "pull the wire real tight", causing "those Al Qaeda folks or troublemakers of any sort" to lose their balance, stumble and quite possibly fall. He then dared the assembled journalists to "go 'head and just try" to walk across the wire. But with the President's recent demonstration of Homeland Security's "Wet Willie" and "Purple Nurple" devices fresh in their minds, there were no takers.