Two Dumps Separated By Half a Continent

In Minnesota today, Vandale Amos Willis, 28, told a judge he was "sorry" and that he took "full responsibility for everything I did in Duluth", adding only that he hoped the judge would put him on probation rather than send him to prison. Incidentally, what Mr. Willis "did" in Duluth was spread his feces around a courtroom while on trial for the importation of a controlled substance.

Meanwhile, in Washington D.C. today, Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert also took responsibility for his actions, namely allowing the Foley sex scandal to occur during his watch. However, upon declaring that "the buck stops where I'm at" and that he's "sorry that [the contact Foley and the pages] happened", a defiant Hastert refused to step down as House speaker and immediately blamed Democrats, operatives aligned with Bill Clinton, George Soros and ABC News for the scandal.

So in case you're scoring at home, the Minnesota poop artist and convicted drug felon somehow managed to come off as more sincere, contrite and sympathetic than the leader of the House of Representatives.