Stiffs

In the Rose Garden today, reporters waited patiently for the presidential press conference to begin, only to discover that the four men standing in front of them were made entirely of wax. The amazingly life-like beeswax figurines were reportedly rolled into position by anxious White House staffers when a hotly contested foosball game between Pres. Bush, Gen. David Petraeus, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld and Gen. Peter Pace went into overtime.