Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Just Askin' (SOTU Edition)

Despite the President's passionate, heartfelt plea for the line item veto in last night's State of the Union address and no matter how much its enactment would clearly galvanize the population and bring us closer together as a people during these troubled times, I'm afraid it's likely to go the way of last year's call for social security reform and 2004's grand Mission to Mars proposal. As such, I offer a few more prosaic topics for general discussion:

1. Does anyone offer a class in remedial clapping? If so, I hope to god Cheney and Hastert haven't taken it yet because that's some pathetic hand action going on up there.

2. Do Supreme Court justices wash their robes at home or do they send them out to be dry cleaned? Because Thomas and Breyer have some big-time fading going on and the time for Roberts and Alito to get this right, my friends, is right now.

3. Comfy armchair aside, doesn't this kind of thing constitute cruel and unusual punishment?

4. Can anyone tell me why this guy is still smiling?

5. Seriously -- is this really the only shot of Hilary Clinton that Reuters could get?

6. How bad does your workout have to be if watching the State of the Union address actually makes it go by faster?

7. Am I the only one who thought last night's SOTU address would have been the perfect time for President Bush to finally give an adequate answer to the "Brokeback Mountain" question from the other day?

You The Man!

Standing in the Roosevelt Room of the White House, Judge Samuel A. Alito received a warm round of applause from supporters today after the Senate voted to confirm him as the 110th Justice of the Supreme Court. Things reportedly grew considerably more awkward, however, when Harriet Meirs (far left), the president's ever-loyal legal counsel and his initial choice to replace Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, wouldn't stop clapping, hooting and performing the "raise the roof" gesture long after the rest of the group had grown quiet.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

How Does This Help, Exactly?

Wow -- can't say that I know all that much about Hugo Chavez but nonetheless, am I the only one who thinks this was a pretty stupid photo-op?

******* UPDATE ************ UPDATE ******************

Oy, it just gets worse.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Who's Your Daddy?

I've never really bought into the notion that Dick Cheney is the brains of the outfit and George Bush is merely the politically attractive face. Not totally, anyway. But then again... look at the two photos currently posted (and the only two currently posted, mind you) on the White House website of today's Oval Office meeting with Lebanese Parliament member Saad Hariri. If you didn't know who Bush or Cheney were, which of them would you say was having the more substantive meeting with a foreign dignitary? And which would you say Hariri was taking more seriously?

Democracy Is Messy, Part II

Hey, so how's that Project Democracy working out for the Middle East, Mr. President? Pretty much going the way you guys planned?

Friday, January 27, 2006

What Am I Doing Wrong?

Damn. What's a blogger have to do to get banned in China?

This Can't Be Good

I don't have a clue what these guys are discussing but I do know two things: First, that I disagree. Second, that when I find out why they're so happy, it's going to scare the living crap out of me.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

The White House's Dog and Pony Show

As part of the White House's aggressive campaign to defend President Bush's domestic wiretapping policy, Barney the White House Dog was sent out to meet with reporters earlier today. Some analysts interpreted the first-of-its-kind press conference as a sure sign that the President's advisors are growing increasingly concerned over public reaction to the NSA's controversial eavesdropping activity, recently renamed the "Terrorist Surveillance Program". But according to one source, the White House believes that while Barney may lack any ability to deliver a cogent argument or make himself understood in even the most rudimentary way, the President's five-year-old Scottish Terrier is uniquely capable of instantly melting an audience by flipping onto his back and offering himself up for a belly rub.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Hmm, Now Let Me See...

Fresh from whitewashing his domestic eavesdropping policy by dubbing it the "Terrorist Surveillance Program," President Bush lost no time in coming up with new ways to disguise the faulty logic and/or questionable legality of other activities undertaken by his administration. As part of this new effort, a White House spokesperson said that the president's steadfast opposition to the Kyoto Global Warming Agreement will now be referred to as the "Terrorist Clean Air Deprivation Program". However, no name change is expected in regards to the president's ongoing practice of exploiting the threat of terrorism for political gain, which will continue to be referred to as "strong decisive leadership".

Saturday, January 21, 2006

We Hear You

Officials from the Bush administration fanned out across the country yesterday in an attempt to persuade Americans that the National Security Agency's program of domestic eavesdropping without first obtaining warrants is legal and justified. For his part, Vice President Dick Cheney defended the controversial policy by launching what aides termed a "smile campaign", though at least one person in attendance found the vice president's rare happy expression to be "slightly creepy" and considerably more off-putting than that "ugly, tortured sneer of his."

Thursday, January 19, 2006

I Dare Ya

President Bush went to unusual lengths today to defend his controversial domestic surveillance program when he offered to wrestle anyone who disagreed with his right to eavesdrop on international phone calls and e-mails of people within the United States without first receiving a warrant. There were no takers, however, even after he sweetened the deal by offering to tie one hand behind his back.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh

It's official: Worst Summer Camp Ever.

Day Late, Dollar Short

So Michael “Heckuva Job” Brown finally admitted on Wednesday he deserved much of the blame for FEMA’s disastrous disaster relief response following Hurricane Katrina. And what high profile forum did he choose for his long-awaited mea culpa? According to the Associated Press, it was a “gathering of meteorologists at a ski resort in the Sierra Nevada.” Wow. When a guy opens up and bares his soul in front of a bunch of weather guys, you know he really means it.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

The Man Knows How To Put On A Show

Ever the showman, Bill Gates sat in a chair and pointed to one of his new Microsoft products at the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas today. Later, the company co-founder and chief software architect would continue sitting and pointing...

... then stand and point at something...

... before blowing the crowd away with his patented “jazz hands” performance.

"The software is where the magic is," Gates told Reuters prior to his presentation. Sorry, Bill, but it turns out the magic is where you are.