Thursday, August 24, 2006

That's Another Way to Go

According to Reuters, medical officials in Bangkok promoted the safety of eating Thai poultry yesterday by donning chicken outfits and holding signs that read "eating cooked chicken is safe." Okay... but couldn't they have just, oh I don't know, eaten chicken?

Monday, August 21, 2006

Craptastic Journalism, LA Times!

From today's Los Angeles Times:

Councilwoman Perry Attends to Civic Doody

Yes, this is an actual headline. Yes, the story that accompanies this actual headline is about how LA City Councilwoman Jan Perry picked up human poop from a sidewalk. And yes, it is the...

Worst. Headline. Ever.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

By The Way, Indonesia?

I'd like to point out to the cracker-nibbling, clueless-how-to-celebrate-
Independence-Day nation of Indonesia, that the above picture shows a jubilant, ketchup-smeared Mr. Don Drenski shortly after he won the "bobbing for burgers" contest yesterday at the National Hamburger Festival in Akron, Ohio. I'd also like to point out that: a) this is what a real food-eating competition is supposed to look like and it wasn't even Independence Day in Akron; b) the burgers that contestants were bobbing for were plastic; and c) this picture absolutely makes me sick to my stomach. So come on, Indonesia -- if you start now, you can make your 62nd anniversary of independence from Dutch colonial rule something memorable.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Gorging on Freedom

Sixty one years of independence from Dutch colonial rule and Indonesia celebrates it with a stupid cracker eating contest? That doesn't make me want to vomit at all. Guess it takes a couple hundred more years of independence before you get your traditions down right.

Broken Borders

A future border patrol agent is shown here learning how to subdue heavily-padded undocumented aliens at the U.S. Border Patrol Training Academy in Artesia, New Mexico. One can only hope that once they've mastered that difficult training technique, they'll be equipped to crack down on the less heavily padded but still quite dangerous undocumented aliens who are systematically buying up all our best Star Trek memorabilia.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

How Does Iraq Look Through Those?

That makes perfect sense. Rose-colored safety glasses.

Monday, August 14, 2006

How Much More Can We Take?

Sorry, Thomas Paine, but these are the times that try men's souls. Former pop icon Boy George is now sweeping the streets in New York City...

Garfield the Cat is actually a young Chinese man and occasionally a young Chinese woman...

And thanks to U.S. travel restrictions, I apparently missed Fidel Castro/Hugo Chavez Bobblehead Night in Havana..

Friday, August 11, 2006

News That's Both Informative and Yummy

Not to bite the hand that doesn't even come close to feeding me, but doesn't this picture from Reuters showing late Chairman Mao Zedong "sipping" from a McDonald's drink cup strike you as kind of a, oh what's the word, stupid way of illustrating a story about how "China's annual consumer inflation unexpectedly fell in July to 1.0 percent from 1.5 percent in June"?

It's kind of like using this picture...

... to make the point that the Italian economy is "holding up well" under the Premier Romano Prodi and heading for its best performance in five years . Or using this photo...

... to illustrate, oh I don't know, how easy it would be to crush George Washington's head.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Sorry, Kids

Okay, I totally get the new security rules covering shampoos and other liquids. But we have to check kids now, too?

Maybe Dog Hair Makes Him Angry?

Above we see a photo of the passenger seat of Maurice Clarett's SUV taken after the former Ohio State star running back was arrested early Wednesday morning in Columbus, Ohio. The 6-foot, 245-pound Clarett was seen driving erractically, which led to a highway chase that only ended when police spiked his tires and subdued the athlete with pepper spray. A spokesman said officials are currently investigating why Clarett was wearing a bulletproof vest at the time of the incident and why he was driving around with three loaded semiautomatic handguns and a loaded AK-47-type assault rifle in his car.

As for me, I'm kind of curious about the lint brush.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Ho Ho Holy Crap, It's Hot (#2)

If you're looking for more proof that global warming's real, Santa's traded in the fleece and fur trim for a light cotton safari suit that breathes and he's shitcanned his reindeer for a team of zebras. Zebras, people.

Monday, August 07, 2006

We the Peephole

Walt Handelsman's latest animation.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Robot Roundup

Scientists across the globe are making tremendous leaps in robot technology. Japanese electronics manufacturer Hitachi recently unveiled its new robot-on-wheels EMIEW, shown here demonstrating its ability to work as a bellman at a Tokyo hotel.

Japan's biggest toymaker, Bandai Co., announced on Thursday it will soon be selling the 4-foot-high, 77-pound Mobile Suit Gundam. Based on a popular Japanese cartoon, this charming robot can roar and blink its eyes and will surely delight its largely adult male fan base when it becomes available this Christmas.

During his recent visit to the United States, British Prime Minister Tony Blair had the opportunity to talk with a "Health Robot" during a tour of Cisco Systems headquarters in San Jose, California. The mechanical healthcare provider, currently being tested at five hospitals worldwide, allows doctors to consult with patients in remote areas through a broadband wireless connection.

Meanwhile in Beijing, scientists at the Chinese Academy of Sciences are currently testing an unnamed female robot that its inventors claim can speak Sichuan, respond to human voices and act as a receptionist and museum tour guide.

And finally, in Washington D.C., American scientists are road-testing a device affectionately known as the Dickbot. While the robot is programmed to sneer and raise its left arm in a reasonable facsimile of a warm greeting, scientists agree they still need to work on the robot's human qualities. Scientists are quick to point out, however, that the Dickbot has still been able to collect millions of dollars at GOP fundraisers, despite the fact that two-thirds of Americans dislike him intensely.

The Dickbot is shown here "waving" to supporters of Senate candidate Tom Kean Jr. at a fundraiser in Newark, N.J. last March.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Go, Condi!

Wolf Blitzer just told CNN viewers that Secy. of State Condoleezza Rice might be heading for her "breakout moment" if she's able to engineer a cease-fire and a sustainable resolution to the Mideast crisis in the coming days. Gosh, I sure hope she's able to pull it off. Hate to think all this blood got spilled in the region and no one in the Bush administration got a p.r. boost out of it.

Call Me a Purist

Uh, excuse me? Would someone mind telling me when the so-called "organizers" of the Mutton Bustin' competition at the Lambtown USA Festival in Dixon, California, started requiring the contestants to wear helmets? Wow. It's like I don't even recognize the sport any more.

In Space, No One Can Hear You Clean

Russian space officials, facing an accelerated training schedule, severe budget constraints and soaring cleaning costs, attempted to save both time and money by washing the spacesuits used by cosmonaut Michael Tyurin of Russia and U.S. astronaut Michael Lopez-Alegria while the men were still in them. After being repeatedly dipped in warm, soapy water, Tyurin and Lopez-Alegria were then squeezed by Russian space officials and later hung out on a line in the backyard of the Moscow facility. If they dry out in time, the two men are scheduled to replace members of the current crew of the International Space Station ISS.

Slip Slidin' Away

How's this for a powerful symbol of where we are right now? Troops served up on the back of a truck while the president skeedaddles off to his ranch. Enjoy your August vacation, sir.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

What Does History Taste Like?

A Doberman pinscher named Barney who was guarding a $900,000 collection of rare teddy bears at a children's museum in London went on a rampage Tuesday night, chewing up hundreds of dolls including one once owned by a young Elvis Presley. The Elvis bear is owned by English aristocrat Benjamin Slade, who purchased it at an Elvis memorabilia auction in Memphis and had loaned it to the museum. "I've spoken to the bear's owner," said Daniel Medley, general manager of the Wookey Hole Caves near Wells, England, "and he is not very pleased at all."

That must have been a fun call.

Suddenly a Cow and a Wheel of Cheese Don't Look So Bad

I'm trying to get it up for North Dakota's quarter today -- really, I am. After all, how can anything that makes North Dakota Lt. Gov. Jack Dalrymple this happy be bad? But I have to be honest, I don't know if I'm going to get there. It's not that the design is unattractive or doesn't accurately reflect the virtually human-free nature of that cold, barren state well to my north. It's just that, well, I'm kind of over the sun burst thing.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Water Sports

My nominations for the least refreshing photos of the day:


A two-year-old from Auburn, Washington, bending over to kiss Stuart the dachshund at the Green River on Monday. This was actually going to be considered in the "Most Refreshing Photo" category until I checked out the action going on under the kid's diaper.


Hundreds of residents jamming themselves into a pool in Nanjing, in east China's Jiangsu province after temperatures hit 100 degrees Fahrenheit on Sunday. Refer to our 2-year-old, dachshund-smooching friend from above and the definition of the term fecal coliform if there's any question as to why this photo has been included.


Swimmers competing in the annual Bog Snorkelling Championships taking place near Dungannon in County Tyrone in Northern Ireland on Sunday. Competitors are required to swim two lengths of a water-filled trench cut through a peat bog. Bog snorkelling suddenly makes annual cheese-rolling competition held in the western England town of Brockworth, Gloucestershire look positively enlightened.