Another Pesky Leftover Problem Solved

Orange County District Attorney Tony Rackauckas announced yesterday that law enforcement officials had charged six Chinese nationals and a U.S. citizen with what the L.A. Times reported as "pimping and operating 10 brothels staffed by women from China in what authorities said was the largest prostitution investigation ever in Orange County."

"In an apparent effort to economize," the article went on to say, "customers used plastic food wrap instead of condoms. Jian Shi, a 49-year-old Montebello resident and the alleged ringleader, bought 7,500 square feet of plastic wrap over a two-month period, Rackauckas said."

Added District Attorney Rackauckas: "I really don't think about [plastic wrap] in the same way any more," demonstrating yet again that Orange County District Attorney Rackauckas is clearly the funniest district attorney in Orange County.

Pure, Unadulterated, Grade-A Evil

During testimony at a military tribunal at Guantanamo Bay that was released by the Pentagon on Wednesday, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed claimed involvement in 31 terrorist attacks and plots, including the Sept. 11, 2001 attacks in the United States, the truck bombing of the World Trade Center in 1993, the beheading of journalist Daniel Pearl in Pakistan, the Bali nightclub bombing in 2002, the plot to use shoe bombs to blow up two American planes in 2001, the post-Sept. 11 round of skyscraper attacks targeting the Library Tower in Los Angeles, the Sears Tower in Chicago, the Plaza Bank building in Seattle and the Empire State Building in New York City, and plots to assassinate President Bill Clinton, Pakistani president Gen. Pervez Musharraf and Pope John Paul II.

Mohammed, who was captured by American forces four years ago, also confessed that it was his idea to leave a fading Pedro Martinez on the mound during the final game of the 2003 American League Championship Series between the Yankees and the Red Sox, his decision not to cancel several Jet Blue flights last month, which resulted in some passengers being forced to wait on planes for up to ten and a half hours, and that he was the one who convinced ABC that "Lost" would not suffer in the ratings if network executives took the show off the air for thirteen weeks earlier this year.

Political Reality Show

Walt Handelsman's latest animation.

Fun Quiz

Choose the correct answer. The photo above shows:

a) The first clothing-free workout session at a Dutch gym;

b) An exercise program designed exclusively for PETA protesters;

c) What the janitors at your local health club are doing after the place closes for the night.