Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Nobody Knows Anything

A spokesperson for Walt Disney admitted today that Corky the Caulkicephalus Trimicrodon, pictured above, was officially the worst-selling plush toy in the history of the studio. Executives at the Burbank-based company believed young audience members would fall in love with the plucky but terrifying fish-eating reptile, which was based on an actual 65 million-year-old dinosaur discovered off the coast of England three years ago. But audience testing showed that the ferocious creature's massive fang-like teeth and its tendency to make achingly bad puns caused a majority of three-to-eight-year-olds who viewed the animated feature to wet themselves and claw at their seats in a desperate but futile attempt to escape. Furious theater owners are currently demanding that the studio pull the cartoon and reimburse them for their rather extensive cleaning and repair costs.

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