On the heels of President Bush's none-too-subtle threat to set ablaze any fellow Republican who publicly opposes his domestic eavesdropping program, Vice President Dick Cheney shot a 78-year-old friend in the cheek, neck and chest with a shotgun today. The shooting occurred shortly after Sen. Jack Reed (D - R.I.) and Sen. George Allen (R - Va.) came out in support of an investigation into whether the Vice President authorized a leak of classified information to reporters. The incident has led some to believe that by spraying a geriatric old friend with buckshot, the Vice President is sending a message to a future special prosecutor that, in the words of one source, he's "really in no mood to be fucked with."
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Vice Pres. Dick Cheney stepped up his alleged intimidation campaign today when, after shooting an old guy with a shotgun, he buried a cute little puppy up to his neck in snow.
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According to an unconfirmed source, Vice President Dick Cheney used one of the Pentagon's top-secret freeze-guns to turn a couple of New York City schoolchildren into snowmen. More details as they develop.